Saturday, August 6, 2011

You Know You're a Flight Attendant If.....

• You never unpack
• You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes
• You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster
• You don't ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM
• You get excited over certain types of ice
• You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude -- ("Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.")
• You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes
• No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there
• You HATE boarding
• You LOVE deplaning
• You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts
• You can't believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin -- ewww, nasty
• You remember the passengers with great manners (that's sad)
• You can't remember when UM's actually became bigger than you
• You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English
• You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory
• You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency
• You HATE on board duty free
• You can't stand the frequent flyer who says "I fly more than you..." (yeah, right)
• You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel
• Blankety-blank tray stackers!
• You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name
• You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies
• You want to smack the nail clipping -- finger nail polishing -- nose picking -- snoring passengers
• You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving
• Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption
• If passengers can't find the flush to the toilet -- they should stay in there till they do!
• You wish you had a button to press that would announce, "No I don't have a pen"
• You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline
• You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby's diaper, and don't even put a blanket underneath the little one -- worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley!
• You know a meaning for "crop-dusting" that has nothing to do with agriculture
• You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them
• You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away
• You hate early morning departures -- Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM?
• You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors)
• You can't believe the senior F/A at your airline is in their 80's (doesn't matter what airline they all have them)
• You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there
• You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets
• You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley
• Your non-aviation friends truly don't get the commuting part: "So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??"
• YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU
• You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are
• Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner
• You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list
• You had a memory for all of these, and understood every one.

5 comments:

  1. This is great! True in so many ways..

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  2. I have a great friend who is a flight attendant and has awesome travel stories. If you run across travel filth (and you will) please share at http://hotelnightmares..com

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  3. Іt іs а bіg hаsslе аnd wаstе оf tіmе trуіng аskеd fоr fаvоrs fоr а rіdе tо thе аіrроrt. Оnсе уоu gоt а rіdе tо thе аіrроrt аftеr аskіng fоrm sоmе fаvоr, іt іs аlsо іn thеіr hаnds іf уоu wіll аrrіvе n tіnе оr nоt. Іt іs nоt fun tо gо fоr а rush rіdе gоіng tо thе аіrроrt аs wеll аs mіssіng уоur flіght. Ву hіrіng tахі Ѕеrvісеs Соmраnу, уоu саn bе rеst аssurеd thаt уоu wіll аrrіvе еаrlіеr thаn уоur асtuаl flіght. Yоu саn rеасh уоur dеstіnаtіоn tо thе аіrроrt wіthоut аnу dеlау аnd hаsslе. Тhеsе соmраnіеs аrе рrоfеssіоnаl аnd thеу wіll tаkе уоu sаfеlу wіthоut mіssіng аnу flіght.
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