Not only the views of a Popslinger in Paradise, but also the personal musings of a professional flight attendant for a major US airline and a culinary arts student.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
You Know You're a Flight Attendant If.....
• You never unpack • You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes • You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster • You don't ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM • You get excited over certain types of ice • You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude -- ("Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.") • You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes • No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there • You HATE boarding • You LOVE deplaning • You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts • You can't believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin -- ewww, nasty • You remember the passengers with great manners (that's sad) • You can't remember when UM's actually became bigger than you • You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English • You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory • You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency • You HATE on board duty free • You can't stand the frequent flyer who says "I fly more than you..." (yeah, right) • You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel • Blankety-blank tray stackers! • You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name • You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies • You want to smack the nail clipping -- finger nail polishing -- nose picking -- snoring passengers • You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving • Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption • If passengers can't find the flush to the toilet -- they should stay in there till they do! • You wish you had a button to press that would announce, "No I don't have a pen" • You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline • You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby's diaper, and don't even put a blanket underneath the little one -- worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley! • You know a meaning for "crop-dusting" that has nothing to do with agriculture • You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them • You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away • You hate early morning departures -- Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM? • You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors) • You can't believe the senior F/A at your airline is in their 80's (doesn't matter what airline they all have them) • You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there • You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets • You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley • Your non-aviation friends truly don't get the commuting part: "So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??" • YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU • You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are • Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner • You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list • You had a memory for all of these, and understood every one.
I love to eat. While I'm eating, I'm thinking about what I can eat next. Food is life.
Disclaimer: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of my airline employer. This page is not a company-sponsored source of communication.