Saturday, August 6, 2011

You Know You're a Flight Attendant If.....

• You never unpack
• You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes
• You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster
• You don't ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM
• You get excited over certain types of ice
• You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude -- ("Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.")
• You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes
• No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there
• You HATE boarding
• You LOVE deplaning
• You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts
• You can't believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin -- ewww, nasty
• You remember the passengers with great manners (that's sad)
• You can't remember when UM's actually became bigger than you
• You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English
• You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory
• You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency
• You HATE on board duty free
• You can't stand the frequent flyer who says "I fly more than you..." (yeah, right)
• You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel
• Blankety-blank tray stackers!
• You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name
• You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies
• You want to smack the nail clipping -- finger nail polishing -- nose picking -- snoring passengers
• You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving
• Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption
• If passengers can't find the flush to the toilet -- they should stay in there till they do!
• You wish you had a button to press that would announce, "No I don't have a pen"
• You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline
• You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby's diaper, and don't even put a blanket underneath the little one -- worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley!
• You know a meaning for "crop-dusting" that has nothing to do with agriculture
• You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them
• You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away
• You hate early morning departures -- Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM?
• You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors)
• You can't believe the senior F/A at your airline is in their 80's (doesn't matter what airline they all have them)
• You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there
• You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets
• You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley
• Your non-aviation friends truly don't get the commuting part: "So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??"
• YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU
• You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are
• Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner
• You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list
• You had a memory for all of these, and understood every one.

4 comments:

  1. This is great! True in so many ways..

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  2. I have a great friend who is a flight attendant and has awesome travel stories. If you run across travel filth (and you will) please share at http://hotelnightmares..com

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